Breaking up is {not that} hard to do...

I'm dedicating this post to an intimate relationship that I developed over the last year of my life that is now ending.  I've had a relationship similar to it in the past, but this time it was much closer and much more important to my running. If I hadn't relied on it, I never would have made my 4:30 am training runs. I never would have been able to run 2 half marathons and 3 10ks this year.  I never would have been able to do speed work. The 20-30 minute "conversations" we had were lessons in patience and solitude at times.  They also were often celebratory moments of amazement.  For the most part, this relationship was a good one.  But, like some relationships, it was starting to wear on me.  It was becoming toxic.  I was resenting the time spent with it and not with my family or in bed sleeping. The moments of amazement were there, but not nearly amazing as it once was as it was now routine. The patience lessons were taxing and I was tired of being by myself when I could be with others.


So I'm ending the relationship. It's bittersweet in a way because this relationship sustained my ability to run over the last year and my youngest daughter's life, and yet, it's so liberating to not be tied down to needing it.

Medela Pump Instyle Advanced Breast Pump, it's been a good run, but I'm breaking up with you, and it never felt so good.

I was an EP (exclusively pumping) mama for the last 10.5 months. I lived, ate, and breathed pumped milk (figuratively). I'm a huge advocate for breast milk.  It is absolutely the best choice, hands down, for babes.  I EP'd for my first for 9 months and had to give up due to PPD. She went on formula for about month after my stash ran out. This time around, due to running 40-80 miles a month, I was able to keep my PPD at bay to some degree and stayed pumping until #2 reached a year.  We still have a huge stash as my supply was killer. I was able to not only typically keep 30 oz fresh in the fridge, but also add to my freezer stash anywhere from 10-20 oz daily. This gave me the ability to donate over 5000 oz to a local mama in direct milk sharing. I donated to 3 other mamas on a smaller scale as well. I never had less than 10 oz per session and I've been known to pump 24 oz in my first morning session.

All of this is amazing, but it was taxing.  I could NOT run without pumping which meant I was up at 3:30 am for a 4:20 am morning run before school. I had to pack my race bag AND my pump bag, cooler, and parts when getting ready for races. I pumped in the car on the way to races to be sure that I was "empty" (never really empty thanks to the amazing way the mammary glands work!) enough for the start time. I'm sure people in the next car over thought I looked strange all bundled up in my nursing cover.  Little did they know that I was making copious amounts of milk under there. I know that it was slightly awkward for anyone I carpooled with.


It takes a lot of work to be a distance runner - a lot of dedication, time, sweat, smart eating, hydrating.  And it takes a lot of work to be a nursing mama - whether you EP, EBF, or do a combo of both for all the same reasons.  Doing them together is a lesson in patience and a huge balancing act.  Gotta run before the school day starts, gotta pump for 30 minutes before that (Normally I'd pump for a 20-25 minute session, but the first session of the day always yielded A LOT of milk, so I had to build in time for that.). Oh the baby woke up at 3 am? No run for the day at the last minute. Spur of the moment runs DO NOT happen. No one wants to run with size DD boobs that feel like boulders on their chest. (And do not get me wrong big chested women.  Big boobs that are not full of milk are ENTIRELY DIFFERENT than big boobs that are filled with milk.)

And the only thing on my mind when I was not running or pumping or changing diapers or feeding children?

"I AM SO HUNGRY!"

Running burns calories.  Nursing burns calories.  Put the two together and you burn mega calories.  I was ravenous.  I was easily eating a 2400 calorie diet with 5-6 meals a day and still lost weight. At my lowest, I was 20 lbs under my pre-pregnancy weight.  Don't hate me. It wasn't fun being that ravenous. And, as I struggle with disordered eating, seeing that weight fall off was a huge trigger. It was a constantly battle with being thrilled and being concerned.  I know I talked about it ad nauseum, but it was consuming to me. I couldn't let it overcome my sense of peace I had reached in myself regarding my weight. I ended up having to incorporate a ton of good fats in my diet like avocados, coconut oil, Orgain nutritional shakes, eggs, and peanut butter.

But I made it. 1 month of EBF, 1 month of half/half, and 10.5 months of EPing. The deep freeze we bought especially to store the frozen breastmilk is still half full. I calculated that I produced just under 17,000 oz of milk. Around 130 gallons. My days of being a cow are over. I'm so glad I can just roll out of bed in the morning and go run.  All I have to do is tie my laces instead of plug in my pump tubes. Don't get me wrong. I consider my ability to make so much milk a blessing and a humbling experience, but it was becoming a chore by the end.

Clearly distance running and nursing go hand in hand (and don't have to compete). I was set up to be successful at pumping, because even though it is a labor of love, so is distance running. After all, it's about the {half} marathon and not the sprint.