Competitive Running - My version

Earlier I posted about how prior to becoming pregnant with AE, I had decided I wanted to test out my ability to become a competitive runner. I used to be, like many middle school and high school athletes, a "competitive" runner.  I was good enough to frequently have my results published in our local area paper and to be mentioned in a blurb about a meet. I was good enough that I frequently medaled or placed well in races. I was good enough to be recruited by NCAA 2 and 3 schools for my running. (I can't list running in college here because of an injury that side-lined me for several years.)

So you might find yourself asking, why do I put the word 'competitive' in quotations above or why do I want to test my ability when clearly it appears that I was tested and I was competitive. 

Answer: I wasn't.

Despite all of my previous accomplishments in the sport, I wasn't really competitive.  I had talent. I can run. My body is made for and responds well to the sport of long distance running.  But having talent - the ability to do something - is totally different than wanting to do it well.  I simply ran because it was easy for me. I didn't have to overly challenge myself to have success. I ran because it was fun to hang out with the girls and the fact that I was decent at it was an added bonus.  I have a competitive nature, so it was easy to challenge myself during a race, but I never challenged myself during a practice.  I chatted through every run - it was social hour at 6 am for me - while I should have been running with the boys. My dad used to tell me that I was uncoachable.  Meaning that I didn't listen to the advice of my coaches or my dad, that I didn't put in 100% of my effort in practice or even in my races. I was good enough without trying and that was good enough for me.

Of course, I was merely a typical teenager and hindsight is 20/20, but I now feel like I wasted those years.  I wish I attempted to challenge myself then. If with putting in the bare minimum, I was able to do ok, how would I have been if I had put in a concentrated effort? Now I regret not trying to run with the boys, with making it a social event, with not putting in extra time on the road/track.

I regret not trying.
Which brings me to last year and my decision to try. Last summer, I started upping my mileage to running on average 4-4.5 miles per run with respectable times. I took the month of August off because the first month of school is exhausting and I was trying to find time and energy to get on the road again. After a successful summer of running, I thought a break of a few weeks wouldn't be too bad.  Then I found out I was pregnant and it was put on hold. And while running while pregnant is a totally different post, I have been itching for 10 months to get out there again. It's been frustrating to set a goal, to have a vision, to make up for years of wasted potential, to only have no control over at least trying to make it happen.

Somone might say, "Well, it was only a few months. You'll be back at it."  But that's the thing, and maybe it's the fact that I'm turning 30 this year, but a few months seem like an eon. And now I'm starting COMPLETELY over. Further behind than I was last summer. Weighing more than I did last summer. I have no legs, no cardio, and other issues that I'm dealing with.  Yes, I can overcome these things and I will, but it's been frustrating to sit on the sidelines and see others improving when I can do nothing. It's frustrating to start over. Again.

I realize the only way to overcome them is to get out there and do something about it, which I am.  If you notice my dailymile ticker, I've been fairly consistent in getting a run in almost every other day the last 2 weeks. I have plans, once I can run 4 miles again, to join up with a local running group to help motivate me in my next step to reaching my potential.

So my ultimate goal here? To see what I can do if I put an effort into my running.  What will I be able to do if I don't allow it to be just a social event and rather train, put the miles on the road, and compete with a full bag of tricks and not just on ability.

It comes down to being able to answer the question: Can I be competitive locally?

I think to do otherwise will waste the God-given talent I was once given and hopefully still have and I don't want to live with regret.

Motivations for returning to the blogging world

Wow!  This blog has been out of commission since, well, the birth of my first child.  Now I have two little ones!  My excuses are both good and bad: babies (good), too little time (thanks FB, pinterest, etsy), school (how can I manage my working life better?).  Regardless of the time away, the blog has been calling to me again recently as I've had some realizations and have encountered some things that really need for me to have a writing outlet. While I'll mention a couple today, they all really deserve their own posts.  They are huge topics that deserve to be fleshed out individually - not lumped together into one, "I'm back!" post.

For starters, last year, prior to becoming pregnant with baby number 2, AE, I had the realization that I really wanted to test out my ability to become a competitive runner.  Now running has basically always been in my life - an old friend that I have always been able to call on to be there, in some manner, when I needed it to be.  I used to be competitive in junior high and high school (and I was decent. I was recruited by a couple NCAA 2 and 3 schools), but I didn't take it seriously then.  I did it more for the social aspect and never realized my true potential because I mentally wasn't in it. Then, as I said, last year struck and told me that if I ever wanted to test myself, this was the time.  That I'm not getting younger and if I want to see if I can make a mark, then I need to do it now.  I started amping up my mileage last summer, took a break in August for the start of school to promptly find out that I was pregnant with AE. In a nutshell, training competitively was on the back burner until now. There's a lot more to this story and thought process and to be honest, it will be a long work in progress.

The second motivator came through the cause/site, Every Mother Counts. As a woman, I am deeply passionate about women's rights issues, specifically when it comes to reproductive rights and care. I have been feeling helpless listening to the news lately on how women are treated like second-rate citizens here in the US, how men are legislating everything we do with our bodies, and how little support pregnant women and women with children have here in the US. I have found hope in Every Mother Counts. It is an organization that was started by Christy Turlington Burns (the former model) to help bring awareness of inequality of women's reproductive rights both here in the US and internationally. They are a grassroots effort at this point, slowly developing into, what I predict, a force to be reckoned with in bringing about a change both in the business world and politics. There are many other groups out there trying to do the same, but what makes me turn to EMC is that they are also passionate runners. For fundraising and publicity, they ran the 2011 NYC marathon sporting their logos.  In fact, running has been a central theme in bringing awareness to their cause. What better combination could I find?  A group that's passionate about running AND maternal health and rights? Sign me up!

So this is it - a couple of my motivators right now that are inspiring me to get back into writing about my running.